


I See Your Face Before Me

by LeotheLionathefootofOrion



Series: Songs in the Key of Recovery [3]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alcohol, Angst, Hurt Gabriel (Supernatural), Hurt No Comfort, Hurt Sam Winchester, M/M, Sam isn’t ok
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-04
Updated: 2018-03-04
Packaged: 2019-03-26 23:40:02
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 684
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13868457
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LeotheLionathefootofOrion/pseuds/LeotheLionathefootofOrion
Summary: Gabriel isn’t back, and Sam isn’t doing so well





	I See Your Face Before Me

**Author's Note:**

> I apologise in advance for the angst. It just sort of happened.
> 
> Song mentioned: I See Your Face Before Me by Frank Sinatra

Sam genuinely wasn’t expecting to see Gabriel ever again. It had been months since he left, and as Dean kept trying to tell him, Gabriel was most likely a thousand worlds away, hiding out somewhere. They shouldn’t worry about him. He would be ok.

To be honest, Sam was pretty sick of Dean. He knew his brother was sorry for driving Gabriel away but Sam couldn’t help feeling angry. Gabriel had meant something to him. For once he’d had somebody there who understood. Somebody who looked out for him without crowding him. And now Gabriel was gone, Sam was having trouble going back to how he’d lived before.

He didn’t spend much time in the bunker these days. Dean and Cas did there own thing, and they had Jack to think of too. Sam knew they worried about him, but he was an adult, he could take care of himself. So he left for extended periods of time, never going far, but always searching for something he knew he wouldn’t be able to find.

Pulling up outside a bar in a tiny town, not so very far from Lebanon, Sam couldn’t shake the feeling of loneliness. He didn’t really want to go inside and spend the evening drinking alone - but what was his alternative? He could book into a motel and spend the night staring at the ceiling and not daring to fall asleep because of nightmares. Here at least, he’d be able to hear human voices and know that the world hadn’t ended yet.

The bar was dark and the patrons few. They kept to themselves, hunched over the round tables which dotted the floor, or leaning up against the bar with their eyes fixed on their drinks. Sam found an empty space between a broad man in a heavy winter coat, and a smaller shadowy figure who hadn’t looked up yet. Sam ordered a drink and wondered whether these people had souls. There was nothing to indicate a deeper level of consciousness in them. Even the bar keep looked vacant.

The figure to Sam’s left raised his hand and the bar keep lumbered over to re-fill his drink. For a moment the dingy shadow which hung over the entire establishment lifted, and not for the first time, Sam saw Gabriel’s face.

He shook his head and blinked hard. It had happened before, nearly a dozen times, since Gabriel had left the bunker. Sam had seen his face in crowds, on highways - even in the shadows of his room at night. There was nothing real about it. All Sam had to do was blink, and he’d disappear.

When Sam opened his eyes again, the shadowed figure to his left had lowered his head again. Sam squinted into the gloom and bit his lip, hard. The outline of the body in is eyeline called to him. His mind was telling him to reach out and touch. Then he could be sure. 

Before he could do something stupid, and reach out his hand to try and touch, he steadied himself against the bar. Told his mind to shut up. Gabriel wasn’t there. Gabriel wasn’t coming back to him. Gabriel was gone. His brain was playing tricks on him all over again.  
He stood up and left his drink mostly undrunk. The night pulled him away from the bar and he climbed into the car. The next town was twenty miles to the west. And that’s where he would go. There was nothing for him here.

 

In the bar, the figure raised his drink to his lips. The lights flickered and brightened slightly, illuminating pale gold eyes and terrible scars. Music began to drift from the long-silent speakers in the corner of the room, as the figure stood and let the half light bathe on his face.

A moment later, he was gone.

 

‘I see your face before me  
Crowding my every dream  
There is your face before me  
You are my only theme

It doesn't matter where you are  
I can see how fair you are  
I close my eyes and there you are  
Always...’

**Author's Note:**

> Please leave a comment!


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